perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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