This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
