Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
