you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
