There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
