i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
