I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
