You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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