just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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