I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
