Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
