It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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