Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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