i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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