New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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