help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
