what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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