Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
