Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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