He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
