we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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