I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
