my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
