He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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