im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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