i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
