There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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