I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
