We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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