Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
