He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
