i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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