I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
