i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
