singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
