i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
