You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
