Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
