so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
