My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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