We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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