At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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