You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize