she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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