watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
