Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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