Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
