since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
