if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
