sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think a kid would responsible me up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
