I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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