I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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