You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
