You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
