I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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