More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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