thus making me awesome and them whores
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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