His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need a beard to bite.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
