Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
