Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
