I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
