I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
