I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
