she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am one with the molecules
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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