I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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