He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
