i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
