...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
