hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
