I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
