Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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