my mouth tastes like poor choices
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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